Talk Tuesday

Consistency in the Midst of Despair: The Key to Success

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

It’s a rainy day here in the Five Boroughs. A very warm and rainy day here, perfect for cuddling up in bed with hot chocolate and a good book. Or maybe you’re someone who prefers to take advantage of this warm weather by spending the day outdoors. In either case, you do you. No judgement in my corner.

If you had the opportunity to have dinner with Jeff Bezos to ask him about his billion-dollar secret to success, I’m sure that he would give you a variation of these three cornerstone answers: (1) Hard work. (2) Dedication. (3) Sacrifice.

Yet, no one talks a lot about the fourth cornerstone in that foundation of success: (4) Consistency.

Now, consistency is very important in regards to helping you achieve success. In fact, I would argue that it is even more important than the previous three answers because it is what keeps you successful. The ability to be consistent is what separates the Oprahs, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos of the world from the Billy McFarlands (Magnises & Fyre Festival), Bernie Madoffs (Ponzi scheme), and Doug Evanses (CEO of Juicero) of the world. Being persistent in the pursuit of consistency is what gets people the corner office with all the perks. In short, if you can’t deliver the peak results on demand every single time…in today’s economy, you’ll be replaced by someone or SOMETHING who can.As I always say: “Persistence is the key indicator of consistency, for what someone works hard to get, they work even harder to KEEP.

But when you’re in the midst of a low period, though…….consistency is, quite understandably, incredibly difficult to maintain.

I mean, how can you be expected to produce the same stellar results day after day, week after week, month after month and so forth when you’re in one of the worst periods of your life?

The answer is simple: Know your limits.

We all know that the ultimate mantra of super millennial everywhere is #NoLimits, and that’s fine. The #NoLimits mentality has inspired us to reach new heights beyond what our parents ever imagined for us, and it is our rallying cry when we need to crush our goals. However, when things hit the fan and you’re in a place where you have no desire to be in without an end in sight, sometimes, you have to make peace with the fact that limits exist for a reason.

Keep this in mind: I’m not saying that you shouldn’t keep pushing forward regardless of what heartbreaks and tragedies you may be going through at the moment. You absolutely should. However, the key to producing consistent results during that time is knowing when to take a break and replenish yourself. You can’t run on empty forever. Sooner or later, your engine will stop in the middle of the road after burning through the last dregs of fumes.

If you must do work of any kind during times of despair, know that there will be times when you have to stop and acknowledge the fact that you are not in a healthy, emotional state. You will have to feel the feelings. You will have to cry in the bathroom, write in your journal, offer a prayer to God for help or strength to get you through things, release a woo-sah, whatever. Furthermore, please realize that doing so does not make you weak. Rather, it strengthens you. Why? Simple. Releasing pent-up and pain renews the body, mind, and spirit. Releasing these previously avoided emotions allows your worst fears to happen so that you can move on and focusing on your tasks at hand. Most people believe that consistency is about recreating the same results for the rest of your life. Rather, true consistency is the ability to maintain the same level of effort to produce greater and greater results over time. You can’t produce greater and greater results if your energy is depleted on all fronts.

So…take that time to cry if you have to. Go on that vacation you’ve been dreaming of. Eat the croissant. Whatever you need to do to replenish yourself…just do it.

And watch yourself soar.

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What is Self-Care?

Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

This is my first ever Health and Wellness post, and I loved the topic so much that I decided to make it a combo “Talk Tuesday” post as well.

Self-Care. Fun.

If you follow the Millennial, upper-class heteronormative definition of Self-Care, then you ascribe to the idea that self-care is all about using the latest and greatest superbly influencer-marketed-beauty product, workout supplement, magical-superfood, time-saving app or fitness craze to assist in the elevation of your consciousness to a higher level.

Now, I happen to love all five of the things listed above. I especially love beauty-products like no one else, and thanks to my devoutly-Catholic yet health nut grandmother, I’ve known about superfoods since I was young. However, I get a little ticked off when I see these methods being packaged as the only true way to take care of yourself. That is when I have to call the ultimate BS.

To me, self-care means something completely different. To me, self-care is taking care of your NEEDS first before taking care of your wants. Self-care is taking care of your mental health. Self-care is taking care of your physical health. Self-care is nourishing your relationships. Self-care is making sure that you have enough money to pay your bills so that you’re not without the necessities. Self-care is making sure that you are doing what you HAVE to do so that you can do what you WANT to do. So with my definition in mind, here are some ideas to reclaim self-care.

Self-care is:

*Seeing a Therapist for Your Anxiety and Undiscussed Traumas. Many cultures have attached a negative stigma to discussing issues with a mental health professional. This is the reason why there are still so many people who suffer needlessly. I’ll readily admit that I was once one of those people who saw therapy as a weak person’s thing. However, I ended up in therapy at the age of 25, and it was one of the best things which could have ever happened to me. I was forced to confront a lot of personal traumas which stemmed from childhood and affected the progression of my adulthood. You may not be able to say anything much at first, but the day will come when you are able to be vulnerable, and I promise you…you will feel SO MUCH BETTER!

*Paying Your Bills on Time. This will save your name in the long run. I know, paying them sucks. But if you want to live independently in the future, you need to show that you are able to handle small responsibilities now. Plus, it builds up your credit. ALWAYS work on building up your credit.

*Visiting a health professional to discuss a medical issue that you have had for a long time and were too afraid to discuss. Many of us need to do this, myself included. Bringing a family member or friend who can support you during this visit is crucial. Too many of us don’t go to healthcare professionals and we catch diseases too late. Let’s change the cycle. I hate the dentist, but I will be making my appointment to go. Go. To. The. (Insert-Healthcare-Professional-Here).

*Spending Time in Prayer and Reflection. Don’t ascribe to the idea that prayer is perfection. Let’s be real: prayer is hard. Really hard. Showing vulnerability of any kind is hard. But it helps to take your problems to whomever you pray to. Stop listening to the people who say that prayer is easy. Pray however you can. If it’s easier to pray by writing, write. If it’s easier to pray by reading from a book, read from that book. If you have to use the mode of Gregorian Chants to get your prayers to God, do it.

*Eating Healthy Homemade Meals That Fit Comfortably Within Your Budget.  Listen, not all of us can afford Whole Paycheck. However, it’s worth it to find stores which sell high-quality fruits, vegetables, and other staples which fit within your budget. I’ll admit, I love JuicePress, but for the price of one of their tiny salads, I can make salads which will last me a week. Eating more home-made healthy meals will do WAY more for your health in the long run than the superfoods and supplements which cost more than your food budget for a month ever will.

*Saying “Peace-Out!” to Keeping Up With (Insert-Your-Favorite-Influencer-Here) You do not need to have what they have. Heck, half of them are broke people trying to make free money off of you by faux-stunting on various social media outlets. Here’s a tip: the real rich…do not stunt on social media. It makes them kidnapping targets. Live. Within. Your. Means. Your wallet, peace-of-mind, and mental health will thank you. So will your retirement account.

*Addressing Conflicts With Your Loved Ones. It seems as if everywhere I turn, I see people bragging and boasting about how they can cut people out of their lives with nothing more than a smile. It’s not impressive, and it’s actually frightening. Instead of cutting people off, how about learning to effectively communicate your displeasure and talk things out? Call up your friend or family member whom you have an issue with and discuss it like adults. Better yet, meet up in person. This will save you so much heartache. You may not agree with everything this person says, and you may not be able to save the relationship, but you will have the peace of mind knowing that you were able to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a mature and effective manner.

*Spending Time With Your People. This is a big one. I’m always hearing excuses about how we don’t have time and we’re always busy with work, school, etc. Here’s a radical thought: MAKE TIME. Time is the most valuable currency in existence because it is the one currency which we can never recoup. Call your parents. Visit your aunt and uncle. Meet people for Sunday dinner. Studies have shown that the longest-living people have robust and vibrant social networks. Do you want to help your elders live longer? Spend time with them. Regularly. You want to live longer: spend time with your friends laughing over some stupid stuff. 

*Doing Hobbies that Make you Happy.  I never really see this one on Self-care lists, but it’s the most important one. Hobbies are so important because they encourage us to use different parts of our brain to stimulate us. If you love playing in beauty products, do it. If you love the gym, go often. Love to dance? Take a class! Now, I love to read, knit, sing, and dabble in the beauty product realm (as you can see) so I do all of those things. Often. 

I hope that I’ve given you some new ideas for self-care and brought it to a level which you feel more comfortable with. Let me know what are your favorite methods of self-care!